Her Destiny is Change Page 4
Obviously, Dward’s assumption was completely off and absolutely wrong. Dward, with all of his self-assuredness — actually quite pompous belief in himself — really thought that Jane Double D would obliterate her beliefs and herself, hide herself behind Dward and prop him up with her own mouth and mind closed. This is what any right-minded, brilliant woman would do. Getting ahead, selffulfillment, achievement for a woman simple meant that you follow your man, standing steadfastly by his words and actions.
*** When he proposed, Jane started laughing, and continued laughing and laughed some more, until she realized that he was serious. It quickly became clear to both Dward and Jane that it was over between them. The hot loving and charged physical connection between the two was not enough to get Jane to agree to Dward’s proposal. Jane Double D had dreams of her own. Jane had a hefty career of her own — or as much of a career as any woman could have. Dward’s career was not only on a collision course with all that Jane held true, she was seriously apprehensive of Dward’s growing political power. She could in no way envision herself as either a part of his dream or even standing quietly alongside him as he climbed the ladder to his dream, a dream that would have held her powerless and completely dependent on his good nature and kindness. The only thing that Jane loved as much as her Judoshii was her
independence. Dward’s dream was that he would lead a woman down a path of oneness, a path of nonness of herself. For Jane, becoming one with anyone was not at all appealing. Jane Double D was so opposed to Dward’s views on life, she had often wondered how she could have woken up so often and find them lying side by side after a night of passion. They each held such opposing values not to mention the differences in the very meaning of their existence. Wasn’t it for that very reason she had left her parents and brother behind? She could no more have Dward dictating her life then she could tolerate her family’s demands.
Later, after it was all over and many years after the Great Split became the way of life for the whole of the Realm as well as the Wideness, she let herself understand that a great part of their mutual attraction was their total disagreement about the meaning of the lives of the men and women of the Wideness. She believed that their sparring and absolute opposite side of the world opinion was what led them into such a passionate sex life. On the rare occasions when she let herself look back on their relationship, she realized that Dward’s path, charisma and self-belief were built by, and around, a very stunted and blind man. Dward actually did not understand that Jane’s convictions were indeed as powerful as his own — and as time would prove, even stronger then Jane Double D herself knew. Her value of her own opinions were strong enough to allow Jane to laugh in Dward’s face, thinking at first his proposal a joke, and then to refuse him, allowing her to refuse his proposal outright, without ‘taking her time to think things through’ as he had suggested. There was nothing to think through. Whatever the future held for Jane, being the silent doting wife was just not an option that Jane would accept. It was not who Jane Double D was — not even then…and certainly not later.
*** Jane Double D was raised in a proper home. Her parents were invited to all of the ‘right’ political functions. Her father was a partner in an old and respected firm. Her mother ran her home strictly and meticulously. She was unwavering in her devotion to her husband and son. Jane’s brother was groomed to follow in his father’s footsteps and Jane in her mother’s. As an adolescent, Jane had already found that her affinity for Judoshii was ‘problematic’ for the life her parents intended her to lead. Her father tried to be sympathetic. He himself loved a good physical workout and admired his daughter’s obvious determination and physical abilities. In time, his patience and admiration did prove limited. He would not allow his daughter to endanger her future, her chances of finding a good husband. Eventually, when she bounced into their home after an invigorating workout, he would berate her, humiliate her. He would comment on her body odor, her sweaty skin and mussed hair. He would tell her how unattractive she was, even referring to her as repulsive.
Jane Double D’s mother was not exactly encouraging either. She claimed to not understand her daughter’s desire to exert herself so, for something that had ‘no value, no worth in the present or the future.’ Certainly not for a woman’s future. She refused to acknowledge Jane Double D’s talent and success at sparring with the boys on the mat. In her eyes, a girl engaging in such physical activity was just crazy and in time she began to refer to her daughter as Crazy Jane. Sadly enough, this nickname caught on and soon not only was her family calling her Crazy Jane, but so were her ‘friends’ and even those who she sparred with on the mat.
*** One day, when Jane Double D was nineteen years old, one of the owners of the Doshii she frequented made her an offer. He offered her a position teaching Judoshii. He had been receiving requests from several parents who wanted their children to learn Judoshii as a form of self-discipline and as a method to strengthen their computeraddicted souls. A few of these parents had heard there was a woman on the mat and they asked if she was available to teach. Back then, men did not teach. Any formal interaction with children, and certainly any form of teaching, was always done by the women.
Jane couldn't believe her luck. Taking on a position teaching at the Doshii would give her some income — and an income meant freedom. Soon Jane saved up enough money to move into her own oneroom flat. Her parents tried to dissuade her. Leaving her parental home before marriage was considered a disgrace. A disgraced woman was almost impossible to wed. They argued that she was sentencing herself to a life alone, without a husband to take care of and protect her. They said that she would be bringing no small amount of disgrace to her family. “Think of what this will mean for your father and your brother,” her mother said in heart-wrenching despair.
*** The night before Jane left her childhood home, she had a confusing dream. I remember her telling it to me as if it were yesterday.
She sat very quietly in the bright orange plastic tent, as the little boys with painted faces and silver hair laughed and screamed obscenities at the preacher who was standing on a plain wooden box. The preacher was from the past. He was wearing a straight black coat and white shirt buttoned up to his throat. Nothing was right about the surroundings. The orangeness of the plastic was repulsive. Suddenly, he inhaled deeply and began to preach. His sounds were harsh, yet melodic and comforting. Jane had within her a strange desire to get closer to hear his words, but as she approached, the preacher slowly began to melt into the
orangeness. His words turned sour — and all was wrong with his being. Even his own narrow tie seemed to choke the words from his mouth. Yet, Jane sat motionlessly and did not utter a word. Jane watched from within herself. The orangeness was too bright. The little boys were too loud, their silver hair too gold. Music rocked loudly through the orange plastic tent. Jane began to laugh and dance and screamed obscenities at the man who was standing on an old wooden box. The preacher with all his sour goodness just melted and shrunk slowly, very slowly into the nothingness of the plastic.
Jane was sorry to see him go, although she wasn’t quite sure why. She had a feeling — a vague and distant idea that without him the tent and all would flare into flames and be undone. This thought, however, quickly vanished and as he melted away, Jane became quite small with a painted face and silver hair. “Wait! Stop!” Jane shouted inside herself. His disappearance cut at her soul. And her appearance cut even deeper. Jane danced with the little boys, Jane was a little boy and she screamed obscenities at all who entered her tent. Jane was now one of the boys.
***
Jane thought about her parents. For all their faults, her parents, by the standards of the day, were good parents. They had made certain that both of their children would be able to be part of the Wideness’ upper class. They provided her with a basic education and allowed her to have some interests of her own. This would give her good prospects for marriage. They provided her brother with a tremendous education at a well-k
nown school and made sure that he was groomed to follow in his father’s footsteps. He would be a great provider with intelligent wit and know the benefits of practicing kindness…Jane appreciated all that they were and all that they had done for her…but she knew in her heart that she could never follow in the path they had laid for her. Jane knew that she would not be able to put the needs of any man before her own desire to spar on the mat. The joy, the exhilaration she felt when she was sparring was not comparable to any other encounter she had experienced or witnessed. She would not give this up, no matter what the cost to her family.
*** Jane, her parents and her brother soon parted ways. Jane mourned their separation with few tears. Her family could not remain in contact with her if they wanted to retain their high social standing. Her brother would not be able to find a suitable wife if it was known that her parents had accepted Jane’s rebellion and ultimate disrespect. Life in the Wideness was fixed, dogmatic and unyielding; the culture prohibitive, ingrained and totalitarian.
And that was it and it was so. Jane was left alone to fend for herself in the Wideness. At first her loneliness was deep and it wounded her soul. This situation cast Jane Double D as an outsider and she was meant to be ostracized. She should not have contact with anyone who was at all connected in the Wideness’ upper or governing classes. This is what her parents had told her and this is what she had prepared herself for. She fully expected to live her life completely alone. She understood that she had chosen her passion, Judoshii, over family, friends and love.
Jane belonged to no one. Jane belonged to destiny and that destiny was change.
*** Jane filled the new open space in her life with movement. She spent all of her time at the Judoshii club. When she wasn’t teaching, she was sparring with the men. Soon her reputation as a strong and defiant match made her a popular sparring partner. The men would challenge each other to face the ultimate challenge — beating a woman on the mat. Women were obviously physically inferior and their minds could not think strategically enough to plan their next move in any kind of battle situation. Jane proved a more than worthy challenge for most of the men. In time, her reputation grew and her
challengers would come from Far, the other side of the Wideness. This is how Jane Double D’s prowess on the mat saved her from the expected isolation. Soon Jane’s loneliness quieted, the images of her loneliness appeared to her only in dreams of her childhood. Jane’s nighttime imaginary became peppered with conversations between her parents and brother. She would wake up in a confused sweat, longing for the familiar smell of her childhood and the voices of her family. But this new life and her newly found and near-celebrity status as a Judoshii soon filled most of her waking hours. And soon the days became so filled with activity, her night images began to quiet as well. Jane would come home after hours of sparring and teaching and collapse into a deep sleep in which she continued her Judoshii moves in bed. It was during one of these matches that Jane came to meet and know Dward.
*** This is how Jane came to know herself. Jane Double D was driven. As she sparred with Dward, she understood what her parents had meant for her to have. Dward was handsome, smart, fit and was positioned to rise politically in the Wideness. Jane did have feelings for Dward — but she also knew that he was not her destiny. Through her discussions with Dward, Jane came to understand and take an interest in the workings of the government, especially the philosophy of an individual’s place in the processes of daily life. While Judoshii brought out the natural rebel in her spirit, her interactions with Dward raised her awareness of her position in their world. Slowly, the Wideness no longer felt enough for Jane. She began to understand how her life, and the life of every other female, was dictated by the men — the so-called Upper Echelon. Jane’s sense of injustice grew, as did her certainty that the Wideness would have to change.
Jane Double D used her Judoshii and her questioning mind to develop ‘The Way of
Gentleness.’ She was careful not to share too much with the men on the mat. Her instincts, even in those early years living alone, her days filled sparring on the mat, Jane had a sense of something going awry. She knew, she sensed that she should hold back. While Dward was moral enough to give the credit of ‘The Way of Gentleness’ to Jane Double D, his superiors refused to take her methods seriously. Having a woman’s name head any document was a sure way to have the document ignored. Dward, however, believed in Jane and he encouraged her to share her way with others at the Doshii. Those who had sparred with Jane on the mats of the Judoshii club and those who had sparred with her in her bed knew that Jane was not only a great Judoshii, but also a brilliant mind. These individuals, although male, accepted the possibility offered by ‘The Way of Gentleness.’ Ironically, soon Jane was not only teaching Judoshii to children, but teaching some version of ‘The Way of Gentleness’ to many of the men at the Doshii.
*** Jane Double D’s reputation grew as did the demand for her classes. Some of the men soon reasoned that if Jane could be so cunning on the mat, perhaps she could also be cunning in diplomacy, perhaps her ability to think ten steps or more ahead of her Judoshii opponent was something she could apply to matters of the state — and matters requiring foresight, negotiations and the like. These men were correct in their assumptions. Jane had a deep comprehension of the men who stood in front of her. She could dissect their minds and desires in a matter of minutes. Her keen sense of the opponent served many of the men well off the mat. Her consultation on matters of the state soon became commonplace. Even as she advanced through the hierarchy, she instinctively held back something of herself and her knowledge. There was something about the men that she could not trust. It was as if the men, these dominating men, would never be wholly just and truthful. It was as though she knew that, at some point, all that she had worked on, ‘The Way of Gentleness,’ the sparring, the understanding of the hierarchy — all this, she somehow felt, might be needed for something greater. Luckily for the women, Jane’s foresight allowed them to have something that the men lacked after the Great Split.
Ahh…I am getting ahead of myself. As time passed, Jane Double D continued to develop her Judoshii skills on the mat. Additionally, and quite unexpectedly she had become somewhat of a legend even in the men’s controlled Echelon. Her knowledge of Judoshii and sparring with the men on the mat had taught her much about sparring with men in the world, and sparring in the men’s world of business. Jane learned that the conference rooms were actually just the mat of the larger employers and instead of physically sparring on the floor, they would spar with money and might in their business meetings. In time, Jane sat as a silent one on the committees of countless larger employers, assisting with decisions that helped make these corporations financial greats, able to support many of the top earners and their families, while being mindful of the Wideness’ precious resources.
***
Although her advancement violated her agreement with her parents, she allowed herself the consultations with these influential and powerful men. Jane understood that no man would ever admit consulting with her, a woman. Her parents’ and her brother’s reputation remained safe and
uncontaminated by her unconventional lifestyle and strange contact with the statesmen of the Wideness. Although no man ever gave her credit, their appreciation was shown by allowing Jane to continue on her own path, relatively unaffected by the strict rules that applied to women — rules of ownership and restricted freedom that determined exactly how women were allowed to live their lives without a man did not affect Jane directly.
Jane was not someone who searched for more. She was a woman who could have lived quite contentedly had she not been exposed to the chain of events that were to follow. Jane enjoyed a nice, if not steady income. She lived modestly, but in an apartment with a beautiful view. Her lonely nights were now spent with her various admirers, tossing about in her bed…and then sitting by herself near her window, looking out on the city, dreaming of her next moves and the Way of Gentleness.
Dally Blyth, unlike Jane Double D, was not brought up in a well-to-do family. Her parents were both artists. Her father was a carpenter, specializing in beautiful and intricately carved cabinets and doors. Dally’s mother was a sculptor. Her mother loved the faraway feeling of power and calm, as she chiseled away at stone.
Dally Blyth grew up in a home with music and sound. Noise was the norm and silence was rare. There was a constant backdrop of high-pitched whistling of saws, as her parents worked their respective crafts; metal on wood, metal on stone and metal on metal. Their home was actually their studio and Dally had a high loft bed in the corner of the workroom so that her parents could hear her when she called out to them in the night as they worked to complete a project. Often her parents would work into the night, putting music on the stereo near Dally’s bed to drown out the sounds of their banging, cutting and carving.
Her parents, while outwardly following the rules and customs of the Wideness, did not feel the need to instill any particular constrictive or constructive lifestyle into their child’s impressionable mind. Dally Blyth was an only child. Her parents, while very loving, did not devote much time to actually ‘raising’ Dally. Since Dally was a girl, education was not mandatory, and so the concept of time was not valued nor introduced. Dally would go to bed when she was told it was time — which could be as early as to still have the sun shining in the window over her bed, or late enough to see the moon, once high in the sky, slowly sink into a pink pool. The world outside their home held little significance to Dally and while she was aware that there was another way to live, her contact with the rest of the Wideness happened only on the rare occasions when a client or an art dealer would come to the studio. Free and unrestrained, Dally would greet these visitors with an openness and curiosity that would have worried other parents. Such an obvious sense of freedom was not an acceptable trait for young girls, or for women.